


I Don't Want to be Invisible

by Mapleicecream



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred is a jerk, Bullying, Cutting, Eventual Smut, Homophobia, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, maybe a tiny bit of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mapleicecream/pseuds/Mapleicecream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew is tired of being invisible. He is putting his life on the line, on the off chance the popular boy in school will agree to go to prom with him. Little does he know that boy has seen him for a long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The fact that you're alive is a miracle!

Matthew's P.O.V:

Yesterday school was terrible, just like every day. I don't have friends; even if I did they probably would ditch me within a day. I'm invisible to everyone and when people do notice me it's only because they've mistaken me for my brother and want to beat him up or because they're my everyday bully squad.  
I probably deserve it for being gay. Everyone who I've ever told has said it's bad to be gay and that I should go die, other than Papa and Arthur. The only other people that know are my brother, Alfred, Ivan, and Roderick. They use to be my friends until one day we were at a sleepover at Ivan’s house, they asked me who I liked during a childish game of truth or dare.  
Gilbert Beilschmidt. Why must I have uttered those two words? It really wasn't worth it. The albino enchanted me, he’s so happy, and that smirk that he always wears on his face; but most of all, his eyes.  
His eyes are strange, somewhat outlandish. They are red, like ruby-red, definitely not blood-red, not scary… they were very strange. mesmerizing to look into with the glint of confidence in them that gave you an honest-to-god feeling that everything was okay.  
I bet he doesn't even like guys though, especially not a guy like me. Weak, wimpy, scrawny, short, a cry baby, there is nothing to like. I just wished someone would notice me.  
I bet life would just be better if I was gone. I don't think anyone would notice if I disappeared, if I were to just not show up at school once, and once would become twice, which would become a month, then forever.  
Papa would be too busy to notice my absence, I don't blame him though. He works hard to keep a roof over our heads and it would be rude if I asked any more from him.  
Today I'm going to ask Gilbert if he'll go to the dance with me. It’s on Friday. He probably has girls lined up waiting to ask him out. If he says no I'm going to do it, just cut a little deeper than usual a little more than I would normally do. Not because he said no, because I know that's the universe's way of saying 'You're not supposed to be happy'. That’s my sign.  
I know papa will be easier off because he won't have to buy for food for two anymore just for himself and he can get a smaller apartment. He won't have to worry about me anymore, not that I ever wanted him to worry for me.  
I got to school a little late today, probably in my best interest anyway. I got to avoid getting beat up but that just means my beating at lunch will be worse, not that it matters the pain has dulled away, I can't really feel it any more.  
I have my first class with Gilbert so I think I'll ask him after class. I hope he can see me and doesn't think I'm a ghost.  
I don't want to be invisible!

Class has started I'd figure I would ask Gilbert after class. I'm kind of nervous he is one of the most popular kids in school and there's a really good chance he will say no. I am putting my life on this so I should be a bit nervous, but why should I live if no one cares if I'm here or not. I'm certainly not enjoying my life as is.  
As much as I'd love to stay on this hell they call Earth, I'd rather go into the bleak darkness where life is no more. No more bullies no, more rudeness no more life as living hell. I'm shy, worthless... nothing. My existence doesn't matter anymore. I don't believe in a god anymore unless they're heartless and cruel. I guess if there was they would want to punish me for lik-LOVING Gilbert. I'm not obsessed or infatuated with him but I know I'm in love with him and if I could control who I love, I would. It's 9:45 now so I have one more minute till class ends, signaling my probable demise.  
...3  
...2  
...1 DING!  
I started to pack up and noticed everyone had left except Gilbert and of course the teacher. He went to walk out and I grabbed his bag. "Wait! Gil-Gilbert... I was wondering if you w-w-would like to go to the d-dance with me o-on F-Friday?" Then I look down and cover the back of my head waiting to feel the kick or the punch I was expecting to get. I looked up at him all I saw was shock.  
My eyes started to water, I knew this was the end. How could I even think he'd say yes? I started to walk out of the classroom my head down. Someone grabbed my wrist and I gasped Letting out a small yelp of pain. I know my cuts just reopened. I keep some bandages in my backpack. Then it came as music to my ears "Of course I'll go with you!" I looked up just as he winked and did finger guns at me. He had an actual smile on his face not his usual smirk. I let out a sob and fell to my knees.

 

Gilbert's P.O.V:  
I was really hoping this would happen, the constant staring at him during class. He's so cute and I'm so glad he asked! Do you know how many girls I've turned down for this kid? More than fifteen, but it's all worth it in the end I guess right? I was trying to find the right time to ask him, but I wanted it to be dramatic, ya’know like one of the promposals that goes down in the yearbook cause it’s just that amazing.  
Matthew looks kinda lonely and lost during lunch, and we live near each other and I see him walk home. I’ve wanted to go and hug him, for years now I just never had the courage to do it. No matter how awesome I know I am. I honestly could barely stand to see his face sad any longer, so from now on he will always be happy, never sad because I will always be with him now.  
I got down on my knees and hugged him, running my fingers through his soft hair; it reminded me of Gilbird's soft feathers. "Hey Matt I know it's exciting that my awesomeness said yes, but that is no reason to cry."What he said back came as a surprise to me. "I'm crying because I don't have to die now." Don't have to die? What? Who ever said the kid had to--?  
I heard a gasp and seen his eyes widen. I guess he surprised himself too.  
"Wh-what do you mean don't have to die?" Did I just stutter? The awesome me never stutters. Oh mein Gott what is this kid doing to me?  
"It's n-nothing really I-I-I just I meant I W-was… I…." He looked like he was going to cry again really, I can tell because my awesomeness can read emotions because I'm awesome duh! "You were what little bird?"  
"I was g-go-going to k-k-k-k" What was he going to do the awesome me wants to know but he's just a stuttering mess spit it out kid. "Spit it out kid!" Damn that wasn't supposed to come out!  
He backed away out of my grip "I-I don't have t-too k-kill myself a-a-an-any-anymore" …WHAT!? What does he mean doesn't have to kill himself anymore?! 

He started to sob. Hard.  
"No, Mattie, Birdie please don't cry!" I crouched down beside him and hugged him softly. "I'm sorry, you just made me worried and I wanted to know what you were going to say."  
inside I felt like I was dying myself. Why would he ever want to kill himself. Why did he pick me of all people to decided whether he was going to live or die the worst loneliest death ever?  
what if I went to the dance with Elizaveta instead of him he just would go and die? I squeezed him a bit tighter. He sobbed into my shoulder.  
I was still kinda in shock but I blurted out, "Birdie, you wanna skip the rest of today? We can go and get some ice cream together, common! It will be awesome, well not as awesome as me, but still pretty awesome!" I felt him nod against me and held onto me tighter.  
He didn't move though, woe woe woe I am not carrying him I am way too awesome. But he still didn't move. Fine only because he's light like mien little bird.  
I slowly lifted him and he wrapped his legs around my waist. He was still sniffling and had his face buried in my shoulder. As I started to walk down to the forest area that leads out of our school the bell rung startling Matt but he kept his head down against my shoulder  
"Where do you want to go after we get ice cream?" I asked quietly, trying not to startle him. "Home please?" He looked up at me and smiled he had stopped crying and had the cutest smile ever, and I had never seen it till now and it gave me a warm feeling in my stomach to know I was the one to cause that smile.

Matthew's P.O.V:  
I rested my head on Gil's shoulder, wrapping my legs tighter around his waist. I was safe for now, as long as I didn't go back to school today. I knew tomorrow that I would get a worse punishment from Alfred and the others, but having one day without pain would be worth it.  
If Papa is home today, I'm going to tell him all about my day. If he hears me, I think he might be proud, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. He's probably busy with work; I don't blame him, he works hard.  
I was so caught up in thought, I didn't even hear the chime of the bell when we walked into the ice cream shop. I did, however, feel the cold air on my skin and the smell of sugary ice cream cones.  
"HEY! Tony, long time no see!" Gil said, in a pretty excited tone.  
"Hola mi amigo! It has been a long time, Gil; nice to see you! Shouldn't you be in school?" said a familiar voice.  
Gil went to set me down, but I ended up falling on the floor on my butt. It wasn't a big deal; I just got back up and sat on the chair closest to me. I took off my backpack and pulled out some money I had gotten from Papa to buy lunch. I never bought my lunch before; Alfred would take it, but that was okay with me. I am not normally hungry, but ice cream was an exception; I could eat ice cream forever and never get tired of it. I looked up to see Antonio, one of my Papa's friends.  
"Nah, I'm hanging out with Birdie today!" He pointed to me and Antonio waved flamboyantly.  
"Hi Matthew; how's your papaíto? I haven't talked to Francis in a while either. Have you Gil-Gil?"  
"W-wait 'Francy-pants' is your dad?" Gil yelled. I couldn't tell if he was mad or excited. My assumption is that he hates me now.  
I ducked down under the chair and curled up into my Jacket. I looked down at my wrist and noticed the wounds that were opened earlier crusty dried blood circled my wrist like a crusty blood bracelet. I heared the chair I was under move and I felt myself being embraced in a hug. I jumped and stiffened up, peeking out of my sweater only to have soft white hair fall against my face and tickle my nose.  
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. I felt what I assumed to be Gilbert's hair streak across my eyelashes . Two hands cupped my face, and I felt my ears heat up. A cold thumb brushed against my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Gil's amazing red irises, and I must have blushed ten times brighter than I already was.  
He closed his eyes and I felt his lips against mine. I closed my eyes too and kissed back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me until I broke the kiss It was short but it felt so long. He smirked and ran his hands through my hair. "That cheered you up ~now didn't it~?" He said in a sing-song tone. I blushed and practically melted in his arms, nodding. I probably looked like an idiot, with my mouth hanging open and whatnot.  
"So, let's go get that ice cream we were going to get," he whispered. He winked and helped me up, and I walked back up to the counter. I wanted: vanilla mixed with maple syrup. I thanked Antonio, and he insisted that we didn't need to pay for it. I slipped five dollars into the tip cup anyway. Gilbert we walked out the door eating our ice cream.  
"Birrdiieeeeeee!" He whined "Where is your house? I hope it's not far." I chuckled at his whining and though aboout kissing his cheek but decided against it. "It's not to far; about two blocks from here; it should take like five minutes," I mumbled and licked my ice cream. Gil looked over at me and smirked deviously. His eyes were clouded over, and he continued to stare at me. It was actually making me nervous... did I have something on my face...? I wiped my nose and he blinked.  
"That's my house." I pointed at it. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my house. I ended up dropping my ice cream on the floor, but I was almost finished with it anyways. I opened my door and brought Gil in.  
He smirked wide and cornered me against the wall as he kissed me. It was amazingly soft, and passionate. Not that I could tell a good kiss from a bad kiss, but It seemed amazing. He broke away and hugged me tight. "It's cute how innocent you are." he snickered. "We'll see how long that lasts." My entire face turned red. What is that supposed to mean?  
I lead Gil to my room. It seemed strange walking up the stairs with someone next to me. We went into my room and I grabbed my old CD player and a few Cd's "Do you want to listen to some music Gil? I have some Cd's" I showed him the ones I had a few ones in French some in English a couple German and two in Dutch. I really liked learning different languages the were all so interesting.  
"Hey Mattie" he purred as he came closer to me, which made be blush. "Ich liebe dich~" He whispered in my ear and nibbled on it. I gasped and almost moaned, but luckily I stopped myself. "H-hey Gil-Gil c-can I ask you something... please don't be mad" I pleaded.  
"Vat is it Birdie?" I noticed his accent showed a bit more.  
"C-can we s-slow down just a little... ya know I'm j-j-just not use to the attention a-and k-kissing is okay and stuff i-it’s just--" I just couldn't stop stuttering could I?!  
"D'aww Birdie see what I mean? You're so innocent is really cute! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable I just have more experience. I figured someone that looks like you would have as well." he made this really strange noise that almost sounded like a squeal..  
The room felt kind of awkward so I just asked if he wanted music or not. " How about ze Britney spears one?I She's hot and she has a nice voice!"  
"O-okay." I slipped in the disk and it started playing "I'm going to go t-to the bathroom I'll... I'll be back in a sec"  
I gained composure and stopped stuttering and quickly walked to the bathroom. I closed the door and splashed cold water on my face 'Ich liebe dich, Ich liebe dich, he doesn't really mean that don't get your hopes up Matt' I thought. I knew I shouldn't be thinking that but I honestly couldn't help it. I just don't want to get my hopes up just to have my heart utterly and completely pummeled. I'd just never really think me Matt would be in this position. I washed the dried blood off my wrist and cover my cuts with new bandages.   
There was a knock on the door "Mattie are you okay in there? You've been in there for like thirty minutes."  
Already! "Yeah" I opened the door after turning off the faucet "I'm fine, sorry for worrying you Gil"  
"Mattie?" he walked after me as I walk to my room and started to massage my shoulders, I rolled them "You need to calm down, you're so tense all the time it's not good for you." I felt myself relax a little.   
Gil sat on the bed pulling me down with him . I sighed happily and started drifting into my own little dream land. I felt Gil move us to a lying position and I rested my head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.  
Then everything went dark and I had a peaceful rest, finally.  
It had been a while since I had such a long peaceful rest. Well a few years, I think. It was a long rest that I didn't want to wake up from. But than again who wants to wake up anyway. I always knew one thing, I wasn't a morning person. In fact I was anything but a morning person. I hated waking up to the feeling of messy hair and teeth needing to be brushed. I also never wanted to get out of my warm bed; my safe haven. My bed was a place I knew I could never be judged or even ignored. And today, today my bed was warmer than usual, which made it even harder to leave. I closed my eyes and pushed my body against the source of the warmness. I knew it wasn't a dream then. It wasn't a dream my stupid pathetic mind made up. This meant more to me then it would to most, It meant that I now had a life a something keeping me alive. A source of energy so powerful that I could feed off of the happiness and Excitement and joy that it always gave off. It sounds cruel the way I say it, but it's not meant to be. I closed my eyes again and tried to drift off to sleep again to no avail. I could feel Gil moving and I hoped he wouldn't wake up. I just wanted to stay like this all day long. I pretend I was asleep so that maybe if I stay really still and take deep breaths and make it seem like I'm really sleeping he won't move. I learned when I was younger that I was really bad at fake sleeping. Whenever Papa would come by to check if I were sleeping and I would pretend to be asleep but He'd always catch me. I felt Gil Lean over me and look at my face. "You awake Birdie?" He whispered. I said nothing but accidentally blinked. I didn't even know it was possible to blink with your eyes closed, but I guess it is possible. "Common, I know you are little bird." He seemingly yelled. I know he didn't but everything seems louder than it is in the morning. I rubbed my eyes with my fists and the opened them. I looked into his eyes aging the looked the same as they always did. Ruby red, Beautiful really. They still had that glint in them to in them too. The one that really made me feel that everything would be okay. 

Gilbert had gotten grounded for sleeping over at my house; he forgot to tell his father where he was. Since the dance was coming up his dad only grounded him for a day. I didn't go to school the day Gilbert slept over. We both stayed in bed cuddling and learning about each other. I learned that he had a younger brother named Ludwig and his brother is dating Fili who is in my 5th period math class.  
Today Gilbert and I were going to the mall to buy our outfits for the dance .. tomorrow. WOW! Time flies when you don't have to worry about getting beat up every day by your older half-brother and two ex friends. That's another thing, Gil protects me from them he's really determined to make sure I don't get hurt.  
Although all this amazing stuff in my life has happened, I still cut. I'm still depressed. I may get through it, but this is the first time I've felt confident about it. It doesn't make my bad habits just disappear though. Just like any habit you can't just stop. It takes effort, time, strength, and willpower. Not to mention you have to deal with relapsing, urges, and withdrawal symptoms.  
I got dressed.  
Gil said he was on his way to my house about ten minutes ago, so he should be here soon, we're riding on his motorcycle which sounds scary. I hope he's not a dangerous driver, because popping a wheelie going seventy-five miles an hour is not something I look forward to in life.  
Message: ~Gil~ 4:37PM  
im outside Lil qt  
Sent: Me 4:37PM  
Okay, I'll be out in a second, I'm just grabbing my wallet.  
I grabbed my wallet and ran to the door but calmly walked out it not wanting to look too excited although this was something very exciting.. at least to me.  
"Hey Gil."  
"Hey Birdie!" He took off his skull helmet and gave me a peck on the lips, then handed me his extra helmet which matched his accept it had a pink bow on it.  
I didn't comment on it but I could hear him snickering, I wrapped my arms around his abdomen trying not to put my hands low but he pushed them to his waist and started the bike.  
The ride to the mall wasn't far, it was about ten minutes away. Surprisingly Gil is a good driver. We parked at men's Macy's and walked in.  
"You should wear a dress" Gil said laughing   
I looked down. Was he embarrassed to go with me as a guy? Why else would he want me to wear a dress? 'See I told you not to get your hopes up Matt! Why would he ever love you? You're a faggot.' The voice inside my head was very mean to me.  
"I have to go to the bathroom I'll be right back." I said as calmly as I could.  
"Okay I'll wait outside for you then we can shop together" He walked behind me as I Walked towards the restroom.  
Urge, relapse. I took out my wallet and pulled out a shiny new blade. I rolled up my sleeve and quickly slid it across the inside of my wrist several times starting to relax. I got the job done as quickly as possible and wrapped paper towels around my thin white wrists. The candy apple red color quickly soaked through. I rinsed my blade and pushed it back into my wallet. I wrapped my arm is one more layer of paper towels and pushed my sleeve down,  
I calmly, happily walked out of the bathroom and walked up to Gil.  
"Just so you know I was kidding earlier. Boys in suits are more my style!" He winked and I just giggled.  
We were about halfway through shopping when Gil whispered "The blood is soaking though you jacket babe." I jumped a little "Why don't we go to Hot Topic and I'll buy you another jacket and maybe some other new clothes."  
I nodded.  
That was thoughtful, he wasn't mad, that couldn't have gone better..I hate myself.  
We walked into Hot Topic, he held my hand and smiled down at me." I love you Gil" I spoke softly  
"Ich liebe dich auch!" He said loud enough that I could hear him over the loud music playing in the store. He gave me some clothes to try on. I was really happy he didn't get mad at me, even though I was mad at myself. In all honesty I didn't care much for other clothes as long as I had a black or red jacket so people didn't see the blood seep through. I went into the dressing room and carefully pulled off my jacket and put on a black one. I figured I'd keep this new one on and just take the tag off to pay at the register. I know that Gil want's to do a nice thing by paying for my clothes but I don't expect him to, It kind of makes me feel like a burden but if that's what he wants to do then maybe it would be more of a burden if I made him let me pay..?  
I took off my pants and put on a pair of black ripped jeans that Gil picked out. I honestly wouldn't have picked these out for myself. The problem is I'm really skinny, which is weird because I eat a lot of Maple syrup. I also eat a lot of sweets like ice cream and candy. I even worked out but I still was an XS (extra small) I kinda look anorexic honestly, it's gross.  
I came out of the small room shyly. and looked around the corner and waved to Gil to come here. "Damn Matt You look good!"  
"T-thank y-y-you" I stuttered which was unsurprising to me.  
I looked over and saw an unmistakable cowlick, It was my brother Alfred...  
My first thought being 'FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCKINGSHIT!' yep because I'm going to get beaten up right in front of Gil and look super weak and he will hate me because I am a coward.  
Alfred is technically my half-brother. He doesn't live with us, he lives with our mother Elaine. We have the same mother but Elaine cheated on Papa with a man named Arthur and he impregnated her; Soon out popped my brother Alfred. He was one year older than me, and we NEVER got along.  
Papa and Arthur started going out after Alfred was born after I was already conceived and was to be born in front of my proud Papa eight and a half months later. See Arthur and Papa had no hard feelings, neither knew that Elaine was with the other, and neither loved her. After I was born my mother found out about my father's relations with Arthur she started to hate gay people, and taught Alfred to do the same. So here I was with my boyfriend, my brother on the other side of the store, and I was shaking like a leaf. I turned toward the dressing room and pulled the hood over my head.  
I made eye contact with Gil, my eyes pleaded him to follow me and I think he understood, but with no context I could tell he was confused. I walked towards the dressing room and he follows. I close the door and explain " um uh Gil my brother is out there and I think he's going to try to kill me.. like literally!" I looked panicked  
He smirked.  
He had an idea? Maybe?  
"Awe is the wittle bird scared?" he tease. This is not the time, I wish he understood.  
Maybe this was their plan all along and he made a deal with my brother... Maybe they are really going to kill me or beat me till I passed out... I panicked and started to hyperventilate. I tried to remember to take deep breaths slowly.  
Maybe I could find safety near the checkout stand so that I was near a cashier. If I could be invisible enough I could even hide under the checkout stand I bet.  
Without thinking it through much, I ran out of the room and hid behind the desk in the front. I saw Alfred trying on some beanies and Gilbert looking at me very confused from the changing room entrance.  
To my surprise I heard someone start speaking to me. "Can I help you?" a cashier asked as he turned around and bending down slowly. I was obviously in a distressed state. He crept closer to me I could no longer see Gilbert as the man was blocking my view.  
"Take a few deep breaths" he spoke softly but loud enough for me to hear him. He had several ear piercings and snake bites as well as a tongue piercing. His black shaggy hair hung in his face a. This helped me calm down a little because he did not seem like the type of person to know my brother and I that made me feel a safeness in his presents.  
After about 30 seconds I had calmed down. I thanked him and felt confident enough to give him a half hug. " Thank you sir, Will you please ring my items up, I just want to sit under the counter for a while." I said quietly  
He nodded and I pulled off the tags and handed them to him. I pulled out my wallet but Gil had played by the time I got mine out.  
My brother notice Gilbert but definitely not me. It didn't bother me though, I was actually very okay with it.  
"Hey swag fag, word around school is you've been hanging around with that nerd Matthew."  
"Why do you care? Jealous?" Gilbert shot back  
"Eww stop being stupid, nobody would ever want to be with him! Besides he’s my brother" It hurt me more to hear him to hear him say that now even though he pretty much said it to me every day.  
"Well everything you heard is true," Gilbert smirked "Run along now, and don't let you friend see you, you know if word gets out that you shop here, you won't have many friends left now will you football boy."  
I would never wish my brother be in my shoes no matter what he does or did do to me, I would never want him to feel the loneliness that I've been though. Of course I've always had Papa but he's always busy at work.  
Alfred was very frustrated at this point. He went to swing at Gil but it barely missed as Gil stepped back. This turned Alfred's attention towards me.  
I was nervous. I hid as best I could, but it was a bit too late for hiding.  
Alfred looked at me with mixed emotions none of them seemed to be good though. Angry, sad, mad, like he wanted to kill me. He seemed to be analyzing and processing each thought carefully which scared me because I had never seen him think before he acted.  
"Is it true?" Alfred mumbled venomously  
"I-is what true?" I questioned like I didn't hear the conversation before.  
"Are you dating him?" He gestured towards Gilbert. I looked up at Gilbert who seemed to be looking at me for an answer. "Y-yes" I said quietly  
"What was that , I couldn't hear you over thiS GAY ASS MUSIC!" Now, my brother has never been one to talk things out mind you. I think this is more than I've ever talked to him before in one day.  
"I said yes Alfred, YES." I don't know what must have possessed me to yell at him but all of a sudden I felt two hands grab my shoulders. The last thing I saw before I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen and let out a loud pained cry, was Gil struggling to detach Alfred from me. I had received a swift knee to the groin and curled up on myself. The next thing I saw was Alfred in handcuffs struggling to get away from mall security, and Gil standing over me with a tissue covering the small trickle of blood running from his nose.  
My eyes were watering and I couldn't talk. The pain wasn't as bad as my body's reaction to the pain. Gil reached down and grabbed my phone out of my backpack. He seemed to be searching through my phone but I didn't care I just wanted this pain to go away.  
"Hello? Mr. uh Williams? O-oh sorry Mr. Bonnefoy. Umm your son he's hurt. N-nein, Alfred he hurt him, he knead him - well.. where the sun doesn't shine- We are at Frisson Mall- twenty minutes, okay outside Men's Macy's? Okay thank you." beep.  
From there it was twenty long minutes of waiting, and suffering.  
After paying for my clothes, Gil carefully lifted me and took me through the mall and towards the outside of Men's Macy's where he gently put me down on my feet and it was at that time I learned I could hobble around, not walk, just hobble. “I wish you didn’t call Papa, he’s busy and I can’t go around making him come to get me.” I mumbled but he had no time to respond   
I saw my papa's car in the distance and hobbled towards it. then it dawned on me.  
"I'm s-so sorry Papa, I know you were b-busy with work.. " I slid into the car  
"My baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?!"  
"I-I'm fine Papa, It was just Alfred.."  
"Oh my poor child!"  
"H-hey Francis" Gilbert stammered and waved with a hint of nervousness on his alabaster face.  
"Gilb-"  
"Papa c-can we go home, I w-want to sleep.."  
"Yes my sweet child" He drove me home and Gil followed behind us after finding his motorcycle.  
I knew we still needed to shop for the dance but now our plans were messed up and it was all my fault, I had decided I was a terrible boyfriend but he time we got home which only took twenty minutes.  
"So Matthew about Gil-"  
"Papa-"  
“Matt-”  
“Papa, I asked Gilbert to-prom but we don't h-have anything to wear.." I said as we pulled up into the driveway. the rest of the car ride had been silent and other than the quiet sounds of my papa humming a light quiet tune, and the sound of Gilbert's motorcycle following behind us.  
"I'm sure I have something that will fit you, maybe something that will fit Gilbert too. Doesn't that suit I bought you for Auntie's wedding still fit you?"  
I knew that the question shouldn't have hurt me, but it did. " Papa th-that was six years ago.." I mumbled and sunk back into my seat but jumped when there was a knock on the window.  
"Are you gonna get out slow pokes?" His muffled voice teased. I have to admit his smile was very contagious. I laughed under my breath and got out of the car, so did Papa.  
We went into the house and papa went straight to his room. It left me and Gil awkwardly standing there so I took him into my room, I made the bed we slept on the night before.  
For some reason Gil felt it was the right time to grope my butt. You could say I jumped so high I hit the roof and you wouldn't be wrong.  
My papa knocked at my door and then walked in without me answering. I was blushing, which I do a lot. Gil was staring at me with a smirk on his pale face turning to a nervous smile as he turned my papa.  
Papa held up two tuxedos one light blue and one black. They were the same size, both too big for me, but they were nice!  
"Hello Gilbert! Uhh do we need to talk?"  
"Ahhh Francy-pants.. What would we need to talk about?" He laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. I decided to sit on the -still unmade- bed and watch it all play out pretending I wasn't nervous that this conversation wouldn't affect my newly formed relationship.  
"Gilbert, don't hurt my baby boy, I know how you are with relationships and-"  
"I'm not going to hurt him, it's different this time, I wouldn't have gotten with him if I planned on leaving." they were talking about me like I wasn't in the room but it didn't bother me much, in fact it was nice to hear Gil say that.  
"Okay, then go try these on boys!" And that's exactly what we did, Gil went into the bathroom and I stayed in my room. I didn't want Gil seeing my body, it was bruised cut and scarred, i was skinny and pale and in general no very attractive.  
I chose the blue suit, I thought it would look nice with my hair and my eyes, Gil agreed and took the black one. once I was dressed I let Gil back into my room, he dressed faster than I did but I was careful not to open up my cuts and wrapped gauze around my arm to be safe.  
Gil. Looked. Stunning. Amazing, and I did not. "Gil you look great!" I was happy but I knew that the better Gil looked the more people would hit on him. the thought of that made me feel self-conscious.  
The suit Papa gave me was big but it would have to do.  
"Birdie look at you! You look so handsome!" he was very loud and excited . I was excited too, this is my first school dance and so many things could go wrong but all of those things just seemed to disappear with Gilbert around.  
We smiled at each other like children about to get ice cream.  
I was happy.  
I was ready for the dance!  
I don't ever want to be invisible again.  
We had to attend school today because if we didn't we wouldn't be able to attend the dance. It school policy that if you miss the school the day of the dance you were not allowed to go. The only reason I know that is because it's in our organizer under 'DANCE RULES & DRESS CODE' and I always read the school rules and policies.  
I had an hour and a half after school to get ready.  
I even made a list of things I need to do during math class so that I don't forget something because I'm so excited.. and anxious and plus I was bored in Economics.  
-Take a shower  
-Wash hair and condition  
-Shave arms, legs, and ARMPITS!  
\- Deodorant then get dressed  
\- If hair is still wet use papa's blow dryer  
\- Brush hair  
-Don't forget bow tie and Boutonnière  
-Maybe use so of Papa's makeup if needed  
I would probably take an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready all together if I cut my shower down to fifteen minutes.  
I was so excited and when I saw Gil during first period he seemed pretty excited too!  
Gilbert gave me a kiss after first period ended. Alfred shoved me and broke our kiss. We ignored it, if one of us fought back we could be banned from prom. Gil knew it was important to me so he backed off.  
Alfred did too knowing he could also get the same punishment I assume. We walked to our separate classes.  
~Time skip to end of school~  
I was so ready to get home and get ready for the dance.  
The Dance was on a yacht, In the San Francisco Bay, The pictures I saw of it were stunning!  
Papa said he'd pick me up today and help me get ready. He did More than I ever expected him to and I felt bad, but I let him do it anyway.  
The thought that Gil was going to most likely get hit on made my stomach turn. I know he said he loved me but there are so many more people out there and all of them are better than me. I got into my Papa's Car and he drove us home.  
My arms started to itch in the car. Those thoughts made me feel like I was alone again. Alone with myself.. That was a dangerous feeling . I tried my best not to scratch them I just had to keep picturing the Yacht and the waves and the candles. I could not cut today. If Gil found out it would ruin his entire night, and since he's doing me a favor by even talking to me let alone going to the dance with me.  
I started to get ready  
I sure hope this dance is going to be good for both of us...  
I jumped in surprise as my phone beeped. 'I'll see you soon! I have an awesome surprise for you :p', I blushed lightly, thinking about Gil. Maybe he had his own car. It was probably beaten down and old, a car that he loved. Maybe we could do things… I'm getting ahead of myself here. Maybe his surprise is this was all a joke and he has an actual date that isn't me...  
After I finished getting ready I headed down stairs. "How do I look Papa?" Papa looked at me with a huge amazing smile. "You look amazing Mon Cher!" I smiled and looked away. My phone vibrated in my pocket, "Gil will be here in about ten minutes! He also said he had a surprise.." I pushed my phone deep inside my pocket with the one-hundred and fifty dollars I had saved. I figured I'd bring it if we stayed in San Francisco for the night.  
Papa gave me a hug, and sliding something into my back pocket and patting me on the bottom. "I'm not saying you should do it, but if." I blush and murmured " I don't t-th-" There was a knock at the door. "T-thank you." I spoke quickly  
I passed him and opened the door "Hey Gil!" I hugged him burying my face in his shoulder. He smelled amazing! I didn't want to stop hugging him, but eventually I let go.  
I looked him over, He looked more amazing than he smelled. His hair was combed to either side of his head he was cute he had a big excited smile on his face. Adorable! I internally squealed.  
"So you wanna see the surprise?!" he asked excitedly "Um.. Yes" I said hoping for the best but fearing the worst. Then I saw it, a long white stretch limo. " OHMAHGOD Gil.. wait you didn't pay for this did you!? I'll pay for half, here I have some money! Or did your parents pay for it , I'll still pay for half! I'm sorry I should have asked How you planed to get there!" I pushed the money towards him in hopes he wouldn't argue with me on this. "MATTIE, Mattie, It's okay my family owns it, You don't need to pay just get in and let's have some fun!"  
"W-Wait, they own it?"  
"My parents are rich, I just don't like people knowing. Otherwise people will only like me for my money and not my awesome personality."  
"O-oh well Are you sure you don't want me to pay? I have-"  
"No Mattie it's fine, let's go cutie or we'll be late." I gave him a kiss before getting in.  
We sat next to each other, he pulled me closer. He faced me, his fingers under my chin making it level to his.  
"You know I wouldn't say this in front of your father but you look pretty sexy in that tux." He whispered against my lips sending shivers down my spine. The rest of the ride was mostly making out and small talk. It. Was. Great.


	2. The dance

The ship was mostly lit with dull candle-lit flickers, except for the small ballroom like area where it was lit with short dangling chandeliers, which lit the room softly. It smelled like salt water mixed with the scents of sweet perfumes and rich colognes, as well as the food that the guests would be served later that night. You could hear the small waves crash against the side of the boat, gently rocking it back and forth, loud chatter and laughter amongst friends and dates alike.

The tables on the yacht were dressed in red and white tablecloths; The centerpiece was made of red and white roses that sweetened the salty smell of the air. A gentle breeze danced across the cold hardwood floor. 

‘It’s perfect as could be’ Matthew thought. He looked at his handsome boyfriend and gently grabbed his hand as they walked into the dancing area. Matthew paid close attention to who was around him and what they were doing. Most people didn’t know how to dance and this amused him very much. He knew how to dance after the three years of ballet classes and two years of competitive dance his papa had put him through. Gilbert however did not know how to dance, well at least not very well. 

His attention turned back to Gilbert, his hair glistened under the chandelier. Matthew helped Gilbert position his hands correctly and showed him a few basic steps. He was a quick learner that was for sure. 

The song changed to a faster more upbeat song, and the slow dancing changed to bringing fist pumping and jumping up and down to the beat. Matthew had never heard most of the songs that were played but danced along with Gilbert anyway. 

Gil slid Matthew towards the packed center of the dance floor pressing them closer together. Gilbert's face was only inches away from Matthew’s, he could feel warm puffs of air hitting his cheek. 

Gil moved closer kissing him. The kiss was gentle at first but quickly heated up. Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilbert's neck as they pushed closer together in the packed room. Gilbert’s hands moved onto Matthew’s hips grinding up against him. Matthew kissed down Gilbert's neck sucking and nipping down to the collar of his shirt. Gil's hands slipped lower as he groped Matt’s butt and slipped his hands into his back pockets he felt as small square packet.  
“I’m glad we’re on the same page” he patted his ass and winked at the blond. “What do you say we get out of here?”

“G-Gil, yes please!” Matthew whined.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this my freshman year from a vocabulary sentence, the word Outlandish being the word that inspired it all, some free time before school and suicidal thoughts. I'm now a senior who has grown, and I hope to write more stories, better ones. I will updated again soon second chapter is already started.


End file.
